Altered Carol
Tune: Chestnut Roasting

Jack Frost roasting on an open fire.
Chestnuts nipping at your nose.
Yul and Carol couldn’t sing in the choir,
Their lips were skinned by Eskimos.
Everybody’s toes are colder than Siberia,
Fingers blackened by frost bite.
Tiny tots with their eyes frozen wide,
will find it hard to sleep tonight.

They know that Santa’s overweight.
He’s eaten all the cakes and candy on his plate.
And all of Santa’s food is chicken fried,
His sleigh was just stretched another foot wide.
And so we’re offering this simple phrase,
To parents angry, cross, and tired.
If you’d read the words on the side of the box,
Some assembly required.